My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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