They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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