Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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