went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
