we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
