I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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