Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
