the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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