i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
