Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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