remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
