Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
