there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
