im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
