Swine flu. Run for my life!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
