I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize