I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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