guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
her facebook's as public as her vagina
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
