when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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