Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
