The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
