He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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