I'm so fucking centered right now
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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