Kiss
Puke
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
