she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize