u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
