Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
