if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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