so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
