Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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