lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
