I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
