If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize