We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
