i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
