if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
