we're chasing vodka with high fives
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
