it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
