i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
birth control should be required to get into college
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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