now i know why i became what i already was.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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