We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
