you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We had to coat check the pizza.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
