This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
