Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
