I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
