I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize