Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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