I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Never underestimate the power of titties
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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