I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
