We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
