Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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