guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
