well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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