Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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