If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
