Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
