I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
