Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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