dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
