I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize