Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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