she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
