Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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