I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
