Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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