batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
