My sheets look like a crime scene.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
