I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
