just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
