So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
