Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
