I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize